“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
- June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962
- American
- Actress, Singer, Model, Pop Culture Icon
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Quote
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
Explanation
This quote offers Marilyn Monroe’s sharp, ironic commentary on the changing dynamics of intimacy and affection within relationships, particularly through the lens of gender roles. The first part—“make love to a man to hold him”—reflects the cultural expectation that women, before marriage, must use sexuality to secure a man’s interest or commitment. It captures a social norm where a woman’s value and influence in courtship are often tied to physical allure or sexual availability.
The second part—“hold him to make love to him”—presents a reversal that exposes the emotional complexity and growing distance that can arise in marriage. It suggests that, over time, intimacy becomes less spontaneous and more dependent on emotional closeness or reassurance, particularly from the woman’s side. The shift from physical to emotional work illustrates how romantic passion can give way to the need for nurturing and reconnection, and how women are often tasked with maintaining that emotional bridge.
In modern discussions about relationships, emotional labor, and gender expectations, this quote continues to resonate. Monroe’s observation remains relevant as it points to the often unequal burdens placed on women to both initiate and preserve intimacy. Her words encourage reflection on how affection evolves over time—and how maintaining connection requires more than attraction; it demands mutual effort, understanding, and care.
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