“A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superiority; and you must deal with him from that point of view.”
- February 7, 1870 – May 28, 1937
- Austrian
- Psychotherapist, Medical Doctor, Founder of Individual Psychology
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Quote
“A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superiority; and you must deal with him from that point of view.”
Explanation
This quote reflects Alfred Adler’s core psychological theory of the striving for superiority, which he believed to be a fundamental drive in human behavior. According to Adler, individuals often compensate for feelings of inferiority by seeking dominance or control. When someone behaves in a difficult or confrontational manner, Adler suggests that it may stem not from inherent malice, but from a deep psychological need to feel important or capable. By understanding this, one can approach conflict with empathy rather than frustration.
The quote likely emerged from Adler’s work in individual psychology, a school of thought he founded in the early 20th century as a departure from Freud’s psychoanalysis. At the time, Adler emphasized the social and relational aspects of personality development, especially how early life experiences and family dynamics influence behavior. His ideas were revolutionary in shifting the focus toward understanding behavior through context and purpose, rather than just pathology.
In modern settings—such as in workplaces, classrooms, or families—this insight remains highly relevant. For example, a difficult coworker might not be inherently antagonistic, but rather trying to prove their worth or mask insecurity. Approaching them with this understanding can lead to more productive relationships. Instead of escalating conflict, one might offer acknowledgment or redirect the need for superiority into constructive contributions, thereby reducing tension and improving collaboration.
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