“There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us.”
- October 16, 1854 – November 30, 1900
- Irish
- Author, poet, playwright
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Quote
“There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us.”
Explanation
In this quote, Oscar Wilde explores the psychology of self-blame and the satisfaction it can bring. He suggests that there is a certain comfort or luxury in reproaching oneself, because it creates a sense of control over one’s own faults or mistakes. By blaming oneself, a person may feel they have already taken responsibility for their actions, which makes them feel exempt from further criticism or judgment from others. It provides a way to shield oneself from external reproach by preemptively acknowledging and condemning one’s own failings.
Wilde’s observation highlights the irony that self-reproach can sometimes serve as a form of self-protection—a way of controlling the narrative and deflecting the potential pain of external judgment. Instead of waiting for others to criticize us, we take that burden upon ourselves, which, in some ways, makes us feel immune from additional blame. This sense of self-control can be comforting, even though it comes at the cost of our own peace of mind.
In modern contexts, this quote speaks to how self-criticism can sometimes function as a coping mechanism or shield against external judgment, especially in a society that places a high value on personal responsibility and accountability. Wilde’s words suggest that self-blame may, ironically, offer us a sense of control and relief from the scrutiny of others, even if it ultimately adds to our emotional burden. It encourages us to reflect on the way we deal with guilt and criticism, both from ourselves and from others.
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