“When I think of a merry, happy, free young girl – and look at the ailing, aching state a young wife generally is doomed to – which you can’t deny is the penalty of marriage.”
- May 24, 1819 – January 22, 1901
- British
- Queen of the United Kingdom, Empress of India
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Quote
“When I think of a merry, happy, free young girl – and look at the ailing, aching state a young wife generally is doomed to – which you can’t deny is the penalty of marriage.”
Explanation
Queen Victoria, despite being the symbolic matriarch of a deeply moralistic and patriarchal era, expressed in this quote a strikingly candid critique of marriage. She contrasts the freedom and joy of youth with the physical and emotional toll of early marriage, particularly on women. By stating that the “ailing, aching state” is the “penalty of marriage”, she reveals a personal awareness of the suffering many women endured as a result of societal expectations surrounding domestic life.
This sentiment is especially revealing considering the Victorian ideal of womanhood, which celebrated submissiveness, domesticity, and motherhood. For Victoria herself—who bore nine children—it is plausible that she experienced firsthand the exhaustion and health decline associated with constant pregnancy and limited autonomy. The quote may reflect a moment of private frustration or empathy, rather than a public declaration, as it runs counter to the image of the contented royal wife and mother that was often presented.
In modern times, this quote resonates with discussions about gender roles, bodily autonomy, and the institution of marriage. It can serve as a point of reflection on how far society has progressed—or not—in addressing women’s health and freedom. For example, debates about reproductive rights and the pressures of traditional family structures continue to echo the tension Victoria described. Her words remain a powerful reminder that even figures at the pinnacle of societal power were not immune to the physical and emotional burdens imposed on women by cultural norms.
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