“Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.”
- May 5, 1813 – November 11, 1855
- Danish
- Philosopher, Theologian, Poet, Father of Existentialism
table of contents
Quote
“Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.”
Explanation
This quote expresses Kierkegaard’s belief in unconditional love—a love that does not seek to change the object of affection, but rather adapts and transforms itself to meet the beloved as they are. True love, in this view, is self-giving rather than self-serving. It does not manipulate, demand, or impose change on the other; instead, it alters its own posture, expectations, and actions in order to remain faithful and accepting, even when the beloved remains flawed or distant.
Kierkegaard’s understanding of love is rooted in Christian agape—the kind of love that is gracious, sacrificial, and rooted in duty rather than desire. In his writings, he often contrasts this with romantic or preferential love, which is based on the qualities of the beloved. If love changes the other to suit itself, it becomes conditional and possessive. But if love changes itself in order to continue loving, it reflects a higher spiritual ethic, one that mirrors divine love.
In today’s world, where love is often transactional or based on mutual benefit, this quote challenges us to consider a more mature and selfless model of love. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family, it calls for a love that is resilient, adaptable, and patient—not because the beloved is perfect, but because real love endures and transforms itself without needing to transform the other. Kierkegaard reminds us that the greatest love is not that which conquers or corrects, but that which understands and remains steadfast.
Would you like to share your impressions or related stories about this quote in the comments section?
